Friday, May 23, 2014

Shaking confidence (Wednesday)

Today was a bad day and a great reminder of how it's hard to get your confidence back if it starts shaky.  Which it did today.

I was excited as we left the (amazing) hotel in Santiago.  After all, the first 2 classes went wonderfully and I was keen to have similar experiences in UTP Veraguas.

It was not meant to be.

The morning group filled out the surveys for the audit/accreditation team before I started.  The group was huge - probably 100 or so and most in their first year at UTP.  It would be safe to say that they weren't there because they wanted to learn about UX.  At all.

The course started but "the natives were restless."  Jostling, chatting, texting, and other challenging behaviors everywhere.  Plus bored stares and body language.  It felt as if the entire room just wanted to be elsewhere.

Maybe because of this, or perhaps something else (what?), my confidence in my Spanish faltered.  I spoke haltingly and with even more errors than usual.  I made judgment errors - like trying to explain what "Conceptual design" was - a totally unnecessary and extremely complex concept to introduce to an already fractious group.  I stumbled more.  I had to turn for help more and more.  Let's just say it wasn't going well.

And then El Decano came in and told us to stop.  Now.  Really.  NOW because the checkout time at the hotel was noon.  So, racing through the final slides, the class ended.  It felt like crap.

The afternoon was somewhat better although still not great.  There were older students - third and fourth years - and they were definitely more engaged, but there were several (one girl in particular) who were disruptive.  I wish I had felt that I could ask them to leave - but I had not checked this out in advance and was uncomfortable doing it without being certain that was OK.

So although I'm smiling in the photo with Nicolas, I was crying on the inside.



It was a hot night, and I didn't want to sit in the cafeteria, so we sought out Sanchez and sat in the van while the others finished up.  As self-medication, I made a necklace for Sanchez's wife.  Which he liked a lot.

And then, we hurtled into the darkness again with the wonderful Sanchez at the wheel.


On into another day...




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